Thanksgiving is past/Christmas to come

I must admit to hitting a dry spell where posting is concerned. 
With the rushed schedule we live with, running the store is least of my concerns right
now also.  We have been through a year such as I hope to never see again.
My son went through two surgeries and still without any results on his back injuries.
I know some of you wondered why I had not posted. The second surgery was to fix the problems caused by the first.  His intestines were coming through the incision.
It became septic.  We did not know for days if he would live.

We stayed almost a month with him at the hospital and when he was finally released
to come home he stayed with us for over a month.  During that time, my husband and
I took turns staying home with him and the other one went to the store.   Even when
at the store, I was worrying over what was happening at home.

On top of that the economy caused us to have to re-think  whether or not to even
stay in business.  We loved the store and finding unique things to offer our customers.
But we were at a place where we could not travel even out of town for a weekend.
We depended on people bringing us items to sell.  Many days I wanted to call in sick.
As though you can when you own your own business.

Neighboring stores did not know or understand why I seemed to no longer care about the
store.  It was never that,  it was that I had to choose my son's health over the store.
We have almost gotten through that year.  Now I am taking another look at the
reasons I wanted to go into business and have my own antique store.  Was it vanity?
Thinking I could have a better store, a different  type store?  What was it really?
I still don't know.

I know this:  I retired early from my career job because my Mother was sick and needed
me to take her to the DR appointments and help her with food shopping and house cleaning.
I could do that with the store, where I could close the door if needed and go take
care of her.  I did this.  She died 6 months after I opened the store.  But those
6 months we spent more time together than any time since I was a child and she had cared for me.
We laughed and cried and had spats and got over them.  We really spent some
time together.  When she was unable to get to the bathroom sometimes,  I would
close the store and go take care of it.  After all, she had done the same for me.

Now a few years later,  I had to take time off to take my son to DR. appointments.
And Wound Center and other appts.  He was in such bad shape.  It was touch
and go for so long.  He is still very sick with the diabetes which is out of control.
He still has his bad back injuries which the second surgeon said he could never
attempt another surgery due to the fact he almost died twice on the operating
table. 

So what do we do?  We exist.  He takes  large amounts of pain medicine.   As much
as they allow him.  We know this will cause more severe problems later on but
how do you tell someone who is in excruciating pain that he has to stand the
pain so he won't die of something else?

This is so much harder because it is my son.  He is not old.  He should have
had many many more years than I.  I can think of no thing in this earth worse
than a mother having to watch her son die.  I dread this each day.  I pray that
there will be some surgery that he can have and survive.  I pray each day
for him many times during my waking hours and if I wake in the night.

This is always a part of me.  This is why I cannot get excited over a new ad
campaign for downtown stores.  This is why I just don't care enough
to worry that the economy is driving us all out of business slowly but surely.
The others keep on saying it will pick up soon.  They are trying to fool themselves
and me.  But I am not fooled. 

I thank you for allowing me to say this to you.  Each day for me is full of
prayer and hope for my family, especially my son who is ill.
When I weigh that against writing silly and umimportant things on
a blog, well then,  I must say I will take a leave.  I hope you will wait on me.
When I see things start to improve,  I will write again.
My heart is broken.  That is why I cannot write more.
Thank you for your patience.
Lois